Suicide. I think about it everyday. It’s sad to say, but everyday I think of a new way. Whether it’s purposely crashing my car to going down to the river and slit my wrist and fall drowning into the water. Does anyone know this? No, no they don’t. People probably don’t even think I would ever think the way I do. I read murder stories wishing that the Murderers would of killing me instead. I can’t be happy where I’m at. I’ve never been happy here. I want to just end my life. So many hold me back because I imagine my funeral and picture them all crying. Who is to say they won’t celebrate though? For all I know they would. I just don’t belong here. I don’t believe anyone understands. I’m longing for happiness but its just not here. Every time I find it, Someone tells me I’m wrong and to “Try again”. This game of Life isn’t worth starting the game over. I just want to get to the end. Even if that means cheating my way to death. I honestly think I could take my life but I’ve been thinking about this since 7th grade. Have I not done it because I’m afraid? What’s holding me back? Why haven’t I done it? Have I not had the chance? I wonder these things. I know one day I will snap and I will most likely put myself in the grave. Until then I will continue to breathe this poisoned air and fake a smile to get me through each and everyday. One day…

When you think someone is cute but you would never think you would actually end up having a crush on them. Like it’s so random. One day you wake up and boom.. The feelings hit you. The least likely person. I mean you thought they were cute, nice, sweet, ..etc.. However, the age difference and certain situations made you think: ‘no, no. I can’t. Just no.’ Your heart ends up taking over and feelings are made. Scared to say anything though. Afraid it will end up like the last relationship; when i went out with someone younger. Or what if they don’t like me. Maybe, They like someone else. Like geez -___-.

I mean I did read something that kind of hurt me a little already. But then I was like ‘Get a grip, You’re not with him’. I need to learn my lesson and stop going through people’s stuff lol. I always find something out. I’m so nosy. You really can’t hide anything from me. ha ha.

Any-who, I’m pretty sure many can relate to this feeling though. It’s weird. Eventually I will get the courage to tell him. I wanted to yesterday, but things didn’t really go as planned. Might hangout today… Will I do it? The world may never know. Wish me luck.. yeah?

yes, i didn’t go to my prom, but please don’t put me down for it. my family judges me for it. it just didn’t end up the way it was suppose to go. some days i do regret it but i know it made me who i am today.